This is a first for me.
I am trying. I am trying to be more optimistic. It is hard though.
Truly I am trying to stay busy until test day which is Monday. During this part of the Two Week Wait it is so hard not to symptom spot or worry about every single thing. All the twinges in my stomach and the lack of sore boobs. You can truly overanalyze anything if you let yourself. And I am home bored most of the time. I should clean more but it is hard to get up the motivation to do that.
Today I realized the metformin is what is making me so sluggish more than anything. I am usually fine until I take it then it’s like it zaps my energy away and all the things I want to do seem sort of insurmountable. I know they are not but it very easy to just quit things and watch Dynasty reruns (which of course I am watching right now. Alexis just walked in in the most incredible fur in case you are curious). It sucks but I am going to try to embark on some projects.
Today I started a Pinterest board for a nursery. I started imagining how I would want our baby’s room to look. And that scared me some but I reminded myself I am off work without anything to do. So why not clean out the room and paint it? Why not look? Why not dream? Part of this whole process is that I lost my ability to dream. It is so much easier not to dream because then you are much more hurt when you get that Big Fat Negative. You resent yourself for dreaming then. So I will have to work on not resenting myself for dreaming if this cycle is not the one.
In the mean time though I have got some ideas to show my husband. So I am excited about that. I’m not very anxious about testing but I do look forward to knowing for sure what I have to look forward to come Monday. And I do truly hope this is it. These two weeks never get any easier to get through. Especially this last week.
How are you holding up and coping with this process?