Chasing Baby Mayr

An Honest and Hopeful Fertility Blog
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    • Cycle 16 Day 22: The Second Week of the Two Week Wait Never Gets Any Easier

      Posted at 9:28 pm by amayr1984, on March 10, 2019

      Yes. Y’all are gonna have to respect my journey.

      Hell I have had to learn to accept it. And part of that journey is me freaking out over every symptom quietly during the last week of my cycle hoping to be pregnant but afraid to…ya know…REALLY HOPE that I am pregnant. It is the hardest part of this whole journey besides CD1.

      You did the work.

      You took the medications.

      You charted your life away.

      And maybe you’ll be pregnant finally and maybe you’ll be disappointed all over again. You only want the pregnancy outcome, of course. But you don’t want to not be emotionally prepared for the disappointment.

      I mean there’s really no way to know you are pregnant and at this point I have given up with knowing. I try not to symptom spot and I don’t take any of them seriously but I do get nervous if say my breasts aren’t a certain level of sore or my temperature isn’t that high. I don’t know why because none of it really means anything but I guess when you want something this bad you are going to obsess over it some what logic be damned.

      Every other week there is something to do. Especially if you are on a medicated cycle. And by the first week you are happy for a break from the timed sex etc so that time doesn’t seem so daunting I believe.

      But this week when you are waiting to take a test…so close to finding out if you are maybe pregnant…this is the hardest week and I just dread having to experience it month after month after month.

      I saw another pregnancy announcement today on Facebook and I thought…Stupid Stork…when is it going to be MY turn? How much more will I have to invest and put into this process to get my baby? How many more races will I have to run?

      That’s how it feels. There is no exact number of times I will have to try this before I am successful. There is no exact number of two week waits last weeks that I will have to survive. I know I will survive them though but I don’t know how much longer I have to go on. And that in itself can be such a despairing experience.

      I hope for this every cycle…you can read back if you don’t believe me. But I hope this is it. I hope I am finally pregnant. I hope I will not become a complete nut the rest of this week emotionally. I can’t guarantee it but I hope.

      I don’t think I will test this cycle despite what my RE wants. I think I will wait until my period comes and then schedule my appointments. When I call with the negative test anyway all they tell me is to call back when my period starts so it seems like a waste no matter which way you slice it. It may be better for my sanity that way. So no one lined window for me this cycle either way it goes.

      Let’s just hope I can make it through this week in peace.


      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava Bracelet, Black Infertility, Black Women Trying To Conceive, Clomid Cycle, Days Post Ovulation, Infertility, Last Week, Trying to Concieve, Two Week Wait
    • Cycle 15 Day 17: Let The Two Week Wait Begin (Again)

      Posted at 5:32 am by amayr1984, on February 3, 2019

      Well according to Glow my Two Week Wait started yesterday…BUT since Ava was more accurate last cycle I used Ava as my guide for when the Two Week Wait starts

      Today. So today the rollercoaster begins. And as the hearts indicate my husband and I gave it a pretty good go. Waiting for my temperature to spike to confirm ovulation which I hope happens tonight going into tomorrow. I am very excited and hopeful right now…but I remain realistic. This is my third round of Letrozole and we did have some decent follicles showing so I am just allowing myself the space to accept that we gave it our best shot and what will be will be. We really couldn’t have done much different. The past two days my husband had some difficulty because his stomach was bothering him so we used a menstrual cup as a way to sort of inseminate and I put my legs in the air while I did my meditation. I am hopeful that will be good enough for those days but we have had quite a bit of sex and have stayed hydrated and so I am not sure what more we could have done at all.

      This is the tricky part. You can do everything right and still come up short. So you have to try to focus and stay positive because honestly there is no way to predict success with this.

      You just have to…wait. For Two Weeks. So I will check in periodically and blog about my emotions like I normally do. I will be testing this cycle on the 15th with first morning urine. And I will go in hopeful that I won’t become a complete emotional wreck like I usually do. And that my husband and I don’t get into any fights and that we remain peaceful. That’s what I want is lots and lots of peace.

      I cooked today which was huge for me and I talked to my brother on FaceTime which was very necessary because the Polar Vortex had me going stir crazy. I may make my way to the gym tomorrow. The weather has broken and it is much warmer. I am ready to get out of the house for a bit. It will do wonders for my depression. That much I know.

      Anyone else going through the Two Week Wait with my I wish you lots of peace and lots of luck. I hope this is our time.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava Bracelet, Glow, Infertility, Pregnancy, Two Week Wait
    • Cycle 15 Day 14: Positive OPK Day

      Posted at 7:53 pm by amayr1984, on January 31, 2019

      Today is Peak OPK day. The best and most important day besides test day in the Trying to Conceive world. And it couldn’t have come at a more fraught time as my husband and I had another disagreement largely about nothing except our communication styles and I was so over and done with everything yesterday. Marriage, in itself, can be quite exhausting. I feel like I was dragged through the ringer last night and I woke up with the most terrible headache and a feeling of sadness. I do hate to fight with my husband so much. I wish we could be better at communicating with each other and not so sensitive to everything the other person says. I don’t know how and when we got like this but I miss the ease we once had. We had to cancel couple’s counseling this week due to the weather and maybe we just really needed to get to that session. Hopefully we can get another one scheduled in on my husband’s next Thursday off and we can instead be past all of this and focus on our goal here.

      Which is, still Baby Mayr. Our elusive first child. I noticed last night when I wiped that I finally had some cervical mucus going on and it was the clear fertile kind thankfully. I do believe the Prim Rose and Mucinex is working and of course staying very hydrated. My husband and I were able to do the deed today and I meditated with the Glow meditation app afterwards. Now I am up and a little less drained from everything yesterday but still not truly ready to do anything today but just chill and relax. I want to fit in a home work out today as well and try to just stay in a peaceful space while we continue the sperm meets egg plan. Since we got our positive OPK today we will be having sex the next 3 days in a row, then skipping one day and having sex on last time for the plan this cycle. Hopefully we just continue having sex every other day until my period but we will see. I do not want to over exert my husband nor do I want sex to just be routine for us and not have and kind of meaning to it.

      But I am, again, hopeful this cycle. I am hopeful that we will finally get our much desired Big Fat Positive. I am hopeful that we are running this race and will catch our baby at the finish line this time. I am so happy for this time in my cycle where I can be optimistic. It’s wonderful and I truly wish I could stay in this spot forever emotions wise. Even after the fight with my husband I am still warm and full of so much hope for us and a family. I know nothing can snatch that away except that dreaded Two Week Wait. In 2 days I will be in Trying to Conceive purgatory bargaining with the Creator and my ancestors for a positive pregnancy test and feeling hopeful, then dreadful then hopeful again. Maybe the Glow Meditations will help me not to be so anxious. We will see. I have acupuncture tomorrow as well which is perfectly timed with my ovulation.

      Also Ava was more on the money with my ovulation this go round than Glow was yet again. I am impressed. Once I entered my OPK information in Glow picked my ovulation day for tomorrow but Ava has it at February 2nd and has had it at that the entire time this cycle. I have been super impressed with what this device has been able to do over time with reading my body. It’s supposed to be less accurate with medicated cycles but I have personally not found that to be the case. I think the first month medicated it was off but after that these past two medicated cycles it has been pretty close to spot on. Much better than Glow’s predictions pre OPKs.

      If you would like to try the Ava bracelet on your own and would like 20 dollars off my referral code is: https://www.talkable.com/x/EOgmb4

      | 0 Comments Tagged Acupuncture, Ava Bracelet, Clear Blue Advanced, Glow, OPKs, OVulation, Trying To Conceive, Trying To Get Pregnant
    • Cycle 15 Day 11: I’m Snowed In But Fine

      Posted at 9:44 pm by amayr1984, on January 28, 2019

      The Fertile Week is almost upon us. Another chance to run the race. I’m very calm and excited though. I still marvel at the mood swings of each cycle. To go from despair to hope and riding this trying to conceive see saw just amazes me. I’m like a completely different person than I was two weeks ago.

      My husband and I have been feeling pretty great which is good. We’re both more conscious of drinking more water and I am swallowing my handful of pills daily. Tomorrow is my next ultra sound. I have another date with that probe in my vagina that I am not excited for BUT I cannot wait to see how many follicles I have. Every follicle that is mature enough is an opportunity for us. And I am just ready to see the whole picture going into the fertile week.

      My OPKs are still negative which is to be expected. I have two different predicted days of ovulation however. Ava, which was right on the money about my period last month when Glow was off about 2 days. Ava said I will ovulate on February 2nd. I am not sure which to trust at this time but I will cover all the days and of course keep the OPKs outcomes in mind. It can be tricky to pin it down on medicated cycles because there is something other than cyclical body chemistry at play but we are trying the Sperm Meets Egg Plan this go round and my husband is really involved about his part which makes me appreciate him so much more. At times it felt like I was doing most of the heavy lifting with this trying to have a baby thing and he was just complaining about his part which was like…hello? I’m the one in a perpetual cycle of hope and meltdowns while swallowing every supplement my Reproductive Endocrinologist can think of for me. But this time he has been very supportive and on top of getting the days we have to have sex right which has been so…just such a relief. Partner support can mean the world.

      So I am hopeful again. And I hope to keep this hope and that this hope will finally turn into our win. I would love to finally get my big fat positive test. My husband and I will have to explore other options if it doesn’t work out. And I am just exhausted of everything. I want this baby more than anything in the world and I am ready.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava, Ava Bracelet, Femara, Fertile Week, Letrozole, OVulation, Sperm Meets Egg, Trying To Conceive, Trying To Get Pregnant
    • Recent Posts

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      • Cycle 17 Cycle Day 21: The Yellow Nursery Has Begun
      • Cycle 17 Day 14: Gonal F, Letrozole, The Fertility Diet, It Starts With The Egg and Hope
      • Cycle 16 Day 27: Injectable Medications Arrived With Another Big Fat Negative
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