Chasing Baby Mayr

An Honest and Hopeful Fertility Blog
Chasing Baby Mayr
  • Home
  • Contact
  • Tag: Cycle

    • Cycle Day 22: The Two Week Wait Drags On

      Posted at 7:36 am by amayr1984, on January 10, 2019

      Do you know what I hate most about this time period?

      Having to constantly remind yourself not to symptom spot.

      Since I have been trying for quite some time I really don’t symptom spot as much anymore. The reality is I have been not pregnant for the duration of us trying so much that nothing really means anything to me anymore. Sore breasts, tired, nausea, loss of appetite, etc etc are all things I have experienced when I was not pregnant anyway. So many of the symptoms women rave about telling on them being pregnant before their period are just regular old symptoms that happen because progesterone is rising anyway whether you are with child or not. It’s all hopeless guesswork but some women will swear by their ability to tell their regular PMS symptoms from pregnancy symptoms.

      For women like myself who have yet to have any success as I said you come to ignore the symptoms anyway. The only thing I would say is much different this Two Week Wait is that I do NOT have sore breasts of any kind and normally I do by this time and they taper off about 3 days before my period. Mine aren’t even slightly tender this go round but I don’t read anything into it really. O sure, I do hope I am pregnant. That is of course the hope every single month. But I don’t read anything as a promise. You have to hope even when there isn’t anything to really hang it on. The best thing to hang it on were yesterday’s progesterone results and that’s just the hope that eggs were released. Did we hit them? Did they stick? There is nothing that will tell me that before Monday.

      I went to acupuncture today and that was really all I did. I enjoy acupuncture and do recommend it for those who are trying to conceive though I would be lying if I did not say it was not QUITE expensive. I pay around 100 dollars a visit and at once a week visiting it’s a financial burden for sure. Being off work right now I wouldn’t even be able to afford it save for my Flexible Spending account. That said I am very grateful for it. I do think this along with seeking help at the Fertility Center is why some of my levels are turning around. I also enjoy the time I have the needles in. It may sound odd to say but you have the best naps and dreams while on the acupuncture table.

      I typically start out trying to imagine and picture myself pregnant. From there I let my mind drift and it almost feels like I am traveling through several doors of my mind. One thing leads into another but they don’t seem to be really connected and I never totally remember what all I dreamed about when they come to tell me the session is over. A lot of the time I am saddened when they come to remove the needles because it seems like if I could wear them for 8 hours I would actually get a decent night’s sleep (which I do not in my luteal phase. I am awake now at 2:30 am after patchwork sleep last night and a nap for two hours that was wholly unnecessary). It’s wonderful and I have seem and improvement in my mood overall since going and it has certainly helped with managing my anxiety and depression which I am not on medications for right now while trying to conceive per the recommendation of my doctor. My anxiety is not very bad but my depression can manifest in tiredness and low feelings in the winter. So far this winter I am okay. Not great, but okay.

      In any event when I returned home from acupuncture I wanted to eat but I did not have the urge to eat at all. I just wanted to lay down. So I did for a couple of hours though I don’t think I fell asleep. I just laid there in bed and watched Dynasty reruns (perhaps that is a sign of depression in itself? Can’t truly say). Afterward my husband coaxed me out of bed and made oatmeal with protein powder for me and it was delicious but at the same time I didn’t really want it. He offered me eggs and I only asked for one scrambled and a chicken sausage. It was about all I could stand. Later I ate some reheated Mexican rice and now I am sitting up awake slightly hungry but uninterested in anything we have available to eat.

      I am also irritable about things that normally wouldn’t bother me or haven’t really forced their way to the surface. My husband, for example, a lot of times does not clean up the kitchen after cooking. Tonight this bothered me. I tried to say so in a kind way but I need to be more assertive. It is important to me the dishes get washed every night and night’s he works since I am off of work I don’t mind cleaning up after him but he should definitely do it the nights he is at home. Be assertive.

      Anyway, as I sit awake I am hopeful but I don’t count anything as for certain. I am just hoping this time passes quickly and we can get to Monday where I will test and from there know whether I am starting the race again or at the finish line finally hoisting my positive pregnancy test.

      All I know is right now I don’t want to do much but rest, watch Dynasty reruns and eat something that I have yet to discover.

      | 0 Comments Tagged 22, Cycle, Day, Spotter, Symptom, Symptom Spotting, Trying To Conceive, TTC, Two, Two Week Wait, Wait
    • CD 21: Progesterone Draw And Depression

      Posted at 1:26 am by amayr1984, on January 9, 2019

      Today is the 21st day in my cycle and I am about halfway through the dreaded Two Week Wait. Tomorrow is usually when I start to get anxious and worry about whether or not I am actually pregnant this time. I hope blogging helps me to avoid those feelings. I hope processing them helps to keep me from becoming a wreck this last week of my cycle. That is all I want.

      I have been extremely tired lately and I have been sleeping an awful lot and not experiencing very much hunger. I’m not sure if it is a physical ailment or just general depression but I am plugging alone just the same. I rolled around in the bed til about 2pm today. I wished I could sleep longer but I simply couldn’t. I had been dreaming about 3 amazing little girls and a happy family that I was apart of. They were my daughters you see and I did not want to wake up. I wished to return to my dream with all 3 of them. I do want 3 children and would actually like to have at least one of each but a dream with any children is wonderful. It is better than the real life situation anyway.

      I arose and had breakfast but I really didn’t have much of a taste for anything. I have been eating oatmeal with maple syrup and chocolate protein powder with toast. Afterwards I took off to get my blood drawn to check my Progesterone. I said in the previous post that I have long believed my inability to get pregnant is due to low progesterone so this test is a big deal for me. I actually hope I am wrong. My greatest hope is that I will fall pregnant this cycle so of course I want the test to come back high enough to indicate I ovulated. That would be so wonderful. I’m sort of nervous about what the results may be. I hope they are posted tomorrow so I can get some kind of closure.

      I also worked out at my local boot camp today and I was quite winded afterward. I felt like I would just pass out so I stopped off and got tacos and went home and just relaxed. I have been watching Dynasty reruns again since I got home as there is nothing on TV to really distract me. And I plan to practice my Spanish and Italian tonight as well. I find that staying busy somehow does distract me in this time period of waiting.

      I have to take a test per my RE at cycle day 26 to see if I am pregnant. This is my least favorite part of this journey. I had a chemical pregnancy last April so after that I really have tried not to do any testing and just let my period start. I find it is better not to get your hopes up and you can stare yourself into seeing anything on those tests when you want it so badly. I have believed I have seen a faint line on the starkest of white negative tests and logically I know it is negative but my heart continues to ask me to just keep looking. Keep looking for the baby I constantly hope is there. After that I usually hold up well and then I am a wreck on cycle day 1 when my period comes until I tell myself well I can try again soon.

      Tryin again soon. I have been trying again for quite some time now. For today I want to focus on being hopeful, and believing I could become pregnant. People usually implant between days 7 and 12 post ovulation so I am hopeful I will become pregnant and this is the end of the line with all the medications and the time intercourse. It has been a bit of a strain.

      I’m just ready to be a mother.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Cycle, Day, Depression, Infertility, One, Progesterone
    • Recent Posts

      • Cycle 19 Reflections
      • Cycle 18 Failed So Happy Early Still Not A Mother’s Day To Me
      • Cycle 17 Cycle Day 21: The Yellow Nursery Has Begun
      • Cycle 17 Day 14: Gonal F, Letrozole, The Fertility Diet, It Starts With The Egg and Hope
      • Cycle 16 Day 27: Injectable Medications Arrived With Another Big Fat Negative
    • Categories

      • Uncategorized (33)

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Chasing Baby Mayr
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Chasing Baby Mayr
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar