And now the acceptance stage rolls around the day before my period right on time.
I accept I am not pregnant. I have talked to a couple friends on the phone. I have purchased iron to add to my daily supplement and medications for Fertility arsenal. I made it to boot camp today again and I checked off most of the goals that I had for myself though Lord knows I have not tackled the upstairs and cleaned it like I keep lying and saying I will. (I will).
I know that all there is to do is to try again. Most of the time I am very sane and realistic about this journey. I just started blogging in the bad spot but I am sure I will be back in that bad spot pretty soon. That’s what the picture is for. When I saw it in a Trying to Conceive group I was like “O MY GOD! That’s it!”
That is the rollercoaster ride I am on when I am in that last week of the two week wait. Up and down. Down and up. Hopeful then pessimistic. And it’s not something I really see changing any time soon. Maybe if this takes a whole lot longer it will change or become a straight line. I would love for it to change but the past 14 months have shown me that change will not come easily.
So as my cycle ends I consider my goals for next cycle:
Workout 5 days a week
Continue to eat well. Incorporate more fruit.
Find more time to clean and organize as this is therapeutic for me and I want to get my house a certain way before I head back to work.
Talk to your friends more. Call them. FaceTime them. Go see them.
Ask husband to drink more water closer to Trying to Conceive time
Try Mucinex because I didn’t seem to have a lot of cervical mucus
We’ll see about that Diva Cup thing again. I found it weird and after one round of it not working I wouldn’t miss giving it up.
Most importantly though: Be Kind to Yourself
This is the lesson I will have the hardest time with as beating myself up is a reflex that I need to eliminate from my psyche period. It’s not your fault you are not getting pregnant. You are trying your best. One day it will work out.
You are going to be an amazing mother one day. And I know you won’t be comforted in the last week of the two week wait next month reading this…but just know at the end of the rollercoaster there is peace.
There is still hope.
Get on your mark. Ready. Set. Go.
Baby Mayr, I’m coming for you.
