Chasing Baby Mayr

An Honest and Hopeful Fertility Blog
Chasing Baby Mayr
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    • Cycle 17 Day 14: Gonal F, Letrozole, The Fertility Diet, It Starts With The Egg and Hope

      Posted at 3:19 am by amayr1984, on April 1, 2019

      I never ever ever imagined when I started out I would be this far in and baby less. It doesn’t get any easier to consider either how long we have been at this and how far I have no become invested.

      I am on the injectables now. This is an all encompassing experience. I have to do like 2-3 ultrasounds a cycle, and I get to give myself injections at least 7 days out of my cycle. I still have to take all of the medications I have been taking and Letrozole is back (thank God! Less side effects) and the Clomid is gone. I had a great follicle reading. 4 that were likely going to mature and release. They warned me about multiples but internally I laughed.

      You’ve said that before. And we haven’t had a baby. So I’m not scared. The only thing I don’t want is Aunt Flow again. Give me anything else in a health baby or 3. I just want my baby or babies. I’ll take them. You can’t scare me.

      We didn’t do SMEP all the way as husband wasn’t feeling it much. He could only go two of the three days we needed this time but at least it was the two most important. I think I ovulated today and we covered Friday and late last night as well. Today we tried but his spirit just wasn’t in it. I just hope it is enough. I always feel better when we get all of they days covered because at least I know we did our best. But at this point I have learned there is no reason to even bother getting upset if we can’t do all the days. People have gotten pregnant off of one roll in the hay. It’s all timing after you get all the other kinks worked out or if you’re lucky to have no kinks at all. We just have to hope our timing is best for once. Just for once.

      I read It Starts With The Egg finally and I am going to cut my BPA exposure. I started cleaning with gloves on and eventually I am going to switch to more natural cleaning products. I purchased a ton of glass storage containers that I am going to pick up from Macy’s when they come in and start using instead of plastic and I am more diligent about checking to make sure things I use are advertised as BPA free. But mostly I am trying to stick to glass an paper and also trying not to touch too many receipts. There is a lot to remember but if I can do all of that an improve my egg quality then perhaps I will get pregnant with my baby finally. And if I get pregnant soon then it is good not to expose the baby to a lot of BPA as well anyway. It is a win win.

      Along with that I have opted for the fertility diet except I cannot bring myself to drink whole milk. I will stick with almond milk and hope for the best. We got a blender so what I can’t stand to eat which is most vegetables and avocados will be blended up with fruit and I will get it that way. Happy to say so far I have been doing pretty good about eating what I am supposed to (no red meat and no white bread. Lots of vegetables and fruit. Nuts etc) though I have been snacking on candy a bit too much at my new job trying to stay awake while in training with those powerpoints.

      I remain focused on my goal and hopeful a lot of months of injections and nothing are not ahead for us. My husband is wearing out I feel and it is wearing on our marriage. Likewise I am becoming listless about the experience at this point because it is so hard to try everything and come up with nothing and you see people trying nothing and winding up with a baby. It’s just such a frustrating and lonely experience and you just obsess even as you lose enthusiasm. I will never ever give up hope for our baby and never stop chasing him or her I just hope the end is near. I am not sure how many more cycles I can take of this same old thing.

      | 0 Comments Tagged BPA, Chasing Baby Mayr, Letrozole, OVulation, The Fertility Diet, Trying To Conceive
    • Cycle 15: Day 9 Having A Plan Can Lessen The Guilt and Anxiety of Infertility

      Posted at 6:10 am by amayr1984, on February 5, 2019

      If you have read any of my previous posts from the cycles before you will realize that one of my great struggles with infertility (besides of course the whole not getting pregnant thing) is wrestling with the dreaded Two Week Wait.

      The Two Week Wait is a time of such anxiety for many women who are trying to get pregnant so this isn’t something unique to me and for most of it, typically I am fine. The last week of it I become a monster of mood swings and anxiety before crying my eyes out because of my negative test or getting my period and then quiet acceptance of the fact that I live to try to get pregnant another month.

      I make it through though it is an annoying and hellacious rollercoaster ride. In talking with my husband tonight I realized that some of the worst feelings during this time is the anxiety of did we really do everything we possibly could to get pregnant?

      And there really isn’t a hell of a lot you can do except try to have sex on the right days and take your prenatal and not smoke or drink too much and hope for the best. There is so little control in all of this that the lack of control itself can become a source of anxiety because we know we can’t do much about it but we know it just happens to so many people do why isn’t it just happening to us?

      Often times my husband and I struggle to get to or stick to a plan that is consistent with Trying to Conceive because it is work. The sex isn’t extremely romantic and sometimes you really don’t feel like having sex at all. It’s a grind at 15 months and we have tweaked and then not gone through with the tweaking because someone didn’t want to do it that much or couldn’t or whatever.

      And then when you are in the Two Week Wait you just sit there and you think bitterly “well what if we had done it that one more day!” Those nagging doubts sit on your mind as you wait. You look at your calendar repeatedly and gauge your chances, check your basal body temperature chart and obsess over your Ava data all that week hanging on to hope while sanity slips away.

      And this is where Sperm Meets Egg came in and has been a centering force for me. Having a plan, and sticking to the plan and executing it makes you feel like no matter what we gave it our best shot. And knowing that provides some kind of peace because as I said you can’t control much of anything about getting pregnant anyway. But the sex schedule, well that you can control. And Sperm Meets Egg makes a LOT of sense.

      The basic break down of the plan is that you start having sex every other day from Cycle Day 8 on. You take ovulation predictor kits and when you get a positive you have sex those next three days in a row, skip a day and have sex one more time. This, to me is great because it allows you to cover a wide span of your calendar without making your partner stay on top of you every other day all cycle as some other plans suggest. Perhaps for those in their 20s that is sustainable but I am 34 and my husband is 40 and we just don’t have the stamina for that much robotic sex. That also leaves us some time at the end of the month to have actual lust based sex which I think makes my husband happy.

      Today we completed the Sperm Meets Egg plan. I am pretty sure I ovulated two days ago but we had sex on that day and yesterday was our break and today was our last day. As I spoke with my husband I realized that I was at peace because I know we researched a plan (ok I researched it) we executed it and now we gave the best shot we could towards pregnancy. The rest is up to nature, my body and whatever magic the universe has that is involved with this. But I did my part. There are no regrets on my end and no doubts.

      And losing that anxiety means the world. Have you tried this plan? Do you have another plan? Feel free to talk to me!

      | 0 Comments Tagged Black, Black Women Trying To Conceive, Femara, Fertility, Fertility Center Patient, Infertility, Letrozole, OVulation, Pregnancy, Sperm Meets Egg Plan, Two Week Wait
    • Cycle 15 Day 14: Positive OPK Day

      Posted at 7:53 pm by amayr1984, on January 31, 2019

      Today is Peak OPK day. The best and most important day besides test day in the Trying to Conceive world. And it couldn’t have come at a more fraught time as my husband and I had another disagreement largely about nothing except our communication styles and I was so over and done with everything yesterday. Marriage, in itself, can be quite exhausting. I feel like I was dragged through the ringer last night and I woke up with the most terrible headache and a feeling of sadness. I do hate to fight with my husband so much. I wish we could be better at communicating with each other and not so sensitive to everything the other person says. I don’t know how and when we got like this but I miss the ease we once had. We had to cancel couple’s counseling this week due to the weather and maybe we just really needed to get to that session. Hopefully we can get another one scheduled in on my husband’s next Thursday off and we can instead be past all of this and focus on our goal here.

      Which is, still Baby Mayr. Our elusive first child. I noticed last night when I wiped that I finally had some cervical mucus going on and it was the clear fertile kind thankfully. I do believe the Prim Rose and Mucinex is working and of course staying very hydrated. My husband and I were able to do the deed today and I meditated with the Glow meditation app afterwards. Now I am up and a little less drained from everything yesterday but still not truly ready to do anything today but just chill and relax. I want to fit in a home work out today as well and try to just stay in a peaceful space while we continue the sperm meets egg plan. Since we got our positive OPK today we will be having sex the next 3 days in a row, then skipping one day and having sex on last time for the plan this cycle. Hopefully we just continue having sex every other day until my period but we will see. I do not want to over exert my husband nor do I want sex to just be routine for us and not have and kind of meaning to it.

      But I am, again, hopeful this cycle. I am hopeful that we will finally get our much desired Big Fat Positive. I am hopeful that we are running this race and will catch our baby at the finish line this time. I am so happy for this time in my cycle where I can be optimistic. It’s wonderful and I truly wish I could stay in this spot forever emotions wise. Even after the fight with my husband I am still warm and full of so much hope for us and a family. I know nothing can snatch that away except that dreaded Two Week Wait. In 2 days I will be in Trying to Conceive purgatory bargaining with the Creator and my ancestors for a positive pregnancy test and feeling hopeful, then dreadful then hopeful again. Maybe the Glow Meditations will help me not to be so anxious. We will see. I have acupuncture tomorrow as well which is perfectly timed with my ovulation.

      Also Ava was more on the money with my ovulation this go round than Glow was yet again. I am impressed. Once I entered my OPK information in Glow picked my ovulation day for tomorrow but Ava has it at February 2nd and has had it at that the entire time this cycle. I have been super impressed with what this device has been able to do over time with reading my body. It’s supposed to be less accurate with medicated cycles but I have personally not found that to be the case. I think the first month medicated it was off but after that these past two medicated cycles it has been pretty close to spot on. Much better than Glow’s predictions pre OPKs.

      If you would like to try the Ava bracelet on your own and would like 20 dollars off my referral code is: https://www.talkable.com/x/EOgmb4

      | 0 Comments Tagged Acupuncture, Ava Bracelet, Clear Blue Advanced, Glow, OPKs, OVulation, Trying To Conceive, Trying To Get Pregnant
    • Cycle 15 Day 11: I’m Snowed In But Fine

      Posted at 9:44 pm by amayr1984, on January 28, 2019

      The Fertile Week is almost upon us. Another chance to run the race. I’m very calm and excited though. I still marvel at the mood swings of each cycle. To go from despair to hope and riding this trying to conceive see saw just amazes me. I’m like a completely different person than I was two weeks ago.

      My husband and I have been feeling pretty great which is good. We’re both more conscious of drinking more water and I am swallowing my handful of pills daily. Tomorrow is my next ultra sound. I have another date with that probe in my vagina that I am not excited for BUT I cannot wait to see how many follicles I have. Every follicle that is mature enough is an opportunity for us. And I am just ready to see the whole picture going into the fertile week.

      My OPKs are still negative which is to be expected. I have two different predicted days of ovulation however. Ava, which was right on the money about my period last month when Glow was off about 2 days. Ava said I will ovulate on February 2nd. I am not sure which to trust at this time but I will cover all the days and of course keep the OPKs outcomes in mind. It can be tricky to pin it down on medicated cycles because there is something other than cyclical body chemistry at play but we are trying the Sperm Meets Egg Plan this go round and my husband is really involved about his part which makes me appreciate him so much more. At times it felt like I was doing most of the heavy lifting with this trying to have a baby thing and he was just complaining about his part which was like…hello? I’m the one in a perpetual cycle of hope and meltdowns while swallowing every supplement my Reproductive Endocrinologist can think of for me. But this time he has been very supportive and on top of getting the days we have to have sex right which has been so…just such a relief. Partner support can mean the world.

      So I am hopeful again. And I hope to keep this hope and that this hope will finally turn into our win. I would love to finally get my big fat positive test. My husband and I will have to explore other options if it doesn’t work out. And I am just exhausted of everything. I want this baby more than anything in the world and I am ready.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava, Ava Bracelet, Femara, Fertile Week, Letrozole, OVulation, Sperm Meets Egg, Trying To Conceive, Trying To Get Pregnant
    • Recent Posts

      • Cycle 19 Reflections
      • Cycle 18 Failed So Happy Early Still Not A Mother’s Day To Me
      • Cycle 17 Cycle Day 21: The Yellow Nursery Has Begun
      • Cycle 17 Day 14: Gonal F, Letrozole, The Fertility Diet, It Starts With The Egg and Hope
      • Cycle 16 Day 27: Injectable Medications Arrived With Another Big Fat Negative
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