Chasing Baby Mayr

An Honest and Hopeful Fertility Blog
Chasing Baby Mayr
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    • Cycle 16 Day 16: Tamron Hall Is Pregnant! Another Reason To Want To Be Tamron Hall!

      Posted at 8:48 pm by amayr1984, on March 4, 2019

      For some reason this blog will only let me hyperlinks pictures now and not let me upload them so I can’t post the picture of her but I am sure you have all seen it.

      Pregnant at 48 and beautiful and glowing! I am so happy for her. And somewhat hopeful for me. The journey is long and hard for so many of us but there is victory at the end for many of us too. We just never know when it is. I am sure she didn’t know that this is how things would turn out for her looking at the long term picture long ago…but here she is. Happy and about to bring her baby into the world. I can’t say again how wonderful it is.

      I do wish it were me. I am feeling more energetic now that I am past ovulation I assume. I think I ovulated the day before but it is hard to say because charts are difficult to make much of when you triggered ovulation yourself. I’ll say yesterday because that would be 36 hours after my trigger and move from there and say today I am 1DPO.

      I can still feel the hcg in my system as my nipples and the sides of my breasts hurt. Knowing that that is something I feel with hcg in my system I will keep that in mind as a possible pregnancy symptom for the future. I won’t get my hopes up too much but I will be realistic about the possibility. I am hoping that it worked.

      We did SMEP again but we again had to resort to the Diva Cup insemination move the last two days. That is becoming a pattern and I wonder if it is a lot of pressure on my husband. I try to be sensitive about it because TTC is hard on both of us but I also did feel impatient the first day it happened because I don’t like having to give myself shots etc so I just want this to work and don’t want any hiccups. But I have to say we both did our best. That’s all we can really give is our best. So hopefully our best paid off.

      I’m going to try to only blog during this Two Week Wait when I am having bad feelings I need to get out. Usually that is at the 7DPO mark and onward that I struggle the most.

      I am hoping we caught you this cycle Baby Mayr. And that is we caught you you will stay with us and join us in the physical realm. We love you already.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Post Ovulation, Pregnancy, Sperm Meets Egg, Tamron Hall, Trigger Shot, Two Week Wait
    • Cycle 16 Day 12: The Fertile Window Is Here Again If You Can Call It That When You’re…Ya Know…InFertile

      Posted at 3:22 am by amayr1984, on March 1, 2019

      I’m on the Clomid again and boy does the Clomid suck. My husband and I are getting along better but not by as much as I would like. Our time in marriage counseling though I think helped some things along for us and I am hoping that with all the challenges ahead we are not going to fold like an umbrella to the pressures of the world. My husband is a good but flawed person. Honestly if he would only get his act together with money then I could probably endure the rest as he is a really good partner otherwise except for a short temper and his believe that people are out to get him even when they wish him well.

      But who among the trying to conceive is perfect? I have been a crying and anxious mess on Clomid and I can barely stand myself. Luckily my husband works a lot but unfortunately for me there is no vacation from the madness and many of my coping mechanisms are out the window.

      Still jobless I can no longer afford Fit Body Boot Camp and this week thanks to Clomid (which I am gonna call CloMAD from now on because I hate it that much) I haven’t even gone the last few days I could go. I just couldn’t make myself leave the house. The disappointment of all the rejection emails from trying to get a job just has me in a place where I don’t want to be bothered. But the reality is I NEED to be bothered. Being alone all the time with everything I am dealing with just isn’t good for me.

      And for a while I was doing well. I was even cooking again and pretty active about taking care of myself but with CloMAD the good days come and go just like the bad ones. I am trying very hard to be patient and positive with myself even though it feels like every little thing in my life is going wrong.

      I have had some wild dreams on CloMAD and I dreamed the other day of breastfeeding a beautiful baby girl. I want children so very badly and as the time and the medications tick on I am starting to lose hope. I even had a bracelet that said hope on it that I lost just this week. So that bummed me out even more.

      I just want a baby and I’m tired of all the hard work in life with no rewards. Filling out job applications and constantly being rejected. Struggling with weight loss. The Golden State Warriors struggling after the All Star Break (ok that is not that important but today it feels important) and my husband and I humping our lives away and dealing with my mood swings on medications and having no baby to show for it. All of it is just beyond overwhelming at this point.

      Where is our win? And when is it coming?

      Tomorrow I have my ultrasound appointment and I hope I have some follicles that are close to mature. I hope I have 60 of them. I don’t care if they say there are too many we will still have sex and try to get pregnant. I just don’t care anymore. It doesn’t seem to matter even when we do have them we do not get pregnant. I hope this time is different but it’s hard to have faith when you keep getting the same negative results as time goes on.

      I also have a step 3 hearing for my case of wrongful termination at work tomorrow. I don’t expect it to be overturned or anything but it’s another step in the direction of getting me my job back and that matters a great deal to me that I may finally have my name cleared of this wrongful termination that has haunted me.

      I don’t know where our win is coming from. But I am ready for it. That much I do know. And for the Warriors to start winning again.

      We are still doing Sperm Meets Egg like previously explained so wish us the best. No baby dust. That shit does not work.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava, Baby, Black Women Trying To Conceive, Fertile Week, Golden State Warriors, Infertility, Personal, Pregnancy, Sperm Meets Egg, Struggles
    • Cycle 15 Day 11: I’m Snowed In But Fine

      Posted at 9:44 pm by amayr1984, on January 28, 2019

      The Fertile Week is almost upon us. Another chance to run the race. I’m very calm and excited though. I still marvel at the mood swings of each cycle. To go from despair to hope and riding this trying to conceive see saw just amazes me. I’m like a completely different person than I was two weeks ago.

      My husband and I have been feeling pretty great which is good. We’re both more conscious of drinking more water and I am swallowing my handful of pills daily. Tomorrow is my next ultra sound. I have another date with that probe in my vagina that I am not excited for BUT I cannot wait to see how many follicles I have. Every follicle that is mature enough is an opportunity for us. And I am just ready to see the whole picture going into the fertile week.

      My OPKs are still negative which is to be expected. I have two different predicted days of ovulation however. Ava, which was right on the money about my period last month when Glow was off about 2 days. Ava said I will ovulate on February 2nd. I am not sure which to trust at this time but I will cover all the days and of course keep the OPKs outcomes in mind. It can be tricky to pin it down on medicated cycles because there is something other than cyclical body chemistry at play but we are trying the Sperm Meets Egg Plan this go round and my husband is really involved about his part which makes me appreciate him so much more. At times it felt like I was doing most of the heavy lifting with this trying to have a baby thing and he was just complaining about his part which was like…hello? I’m the one in a perpetual cycle of hope and meltdowns while swallowing every supplement my Reproductive Endocrinologist can think of for me. But this time he has been very supportive and on top of getting the days we have to have sex right which has been so…just such a relief. Partner support can mean the world.

      So I am hopeful again. And I hope to keep this hope and that this hope will finally turn into our win. I would love to finally get my big fat positive test. My husband and I will have to explore other options if it doesn’t work out. And I am just exhausted of everything. I want this baby more than anything in the world and I am ready.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Ava, Ava Bracelet, Femara, Fertile Week, Letrozole, OVulation, Sperm Meets Egg, Trying To Conceive, Trying To Get Pregnant
    • Cycle Day 2: Bringing That “Spark” Back Into The Relationship

      Posted at 10:53 pm by amayr1984, on January 19, 2019

      The hardest part of trying to conceive, besides the constant disappointment, is how it impacts your relationship over all.

      It consumes it in many ways.

      And as a woman it often is an imbalance of labor and guilt on your own end that you feel like your husband never really feels or experiences. In a lot of ways he gets a break that you never do.

      Really if all the testing and everything is done your husband only has to be there for one week out of the month and the rest is back to his regularly scheduled program if you are doing just plain old timed intercourse. It is hard to not make the entire sex life of the relationship revolve around this though because after a while sex seems to be a part of a routine. And it can be draining on both people.

      But to hear your husband complain about it you feel this quiet rage brew in you…like gee…could you just work with me on this little part? Could you?

      Today I began to explain to my husband, in admittedly not the most exciting way that this month I wanted to try the Sperm Meets Egg Plan and I had highlighted on the calendar to make it easier what days we would need to have sex. This is not romantic. A sex calendar. My husband told me “way to put the spark back into our marriage” and in that moment I was delivered back to a nightmare I had the previous night where everyone was pregnant and I was crying the entire dream. At one point one of the pregnant people told me if I all I was going to do was cry she wasn’t going to let me near her baby. At that moment I came and got on the computer to blog all of this.

      My husband was joking and he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. And I was serious and I didn’t mean to make sex more of a chore than it already is for us. We both want the same thing but our approaches just are not matching and neither are our moods.

      For me I am willing to do about anything to increase our chances of getting pregnant. I can’t pump myself full of anything much else short of doing IVF at this point which we simply can’t afford. I am trying to maximize the free method for what it is worth. Is trying the SMEP plan really going to change things so much?

      All I have asked my husband to do differently is drink more water during the fertile week and try this plan. He takes a vitamin daily too.

      I have to go to multiple ultrasounds to make sure I don’t have cysts and suck down a medicine cabinet of supplements and medications and be the reminder of when to have sex. The sex bad guy. The spark killer. I am in charge of all of that. And then after all of that is done I get to ride the emotional Two Week Wait rollercoaster while he watches from below. Sure he sees me and experiences me as I am going through it but I am riding it by myself and only I feel the sickness, twists and turns and dips and highs.

      Perhaps he is on his own rollercoaster he hasn’t told me about? I can’t testify to that I suppose. I shouldn’t try to speak for how he feels but that is how it seems to me anyway. That there is still a lot of his world that isn’t about this and this is an irritating side project with ever changing rules.

      You know what would be dope to hear from my husband?

      “I would love to try that!”

      “Great idea, honey!”

      Or to even know he has been researching ways to increase our chances to get pregnant and he came home and suggested something to try so we could have a more successful outcomes would feel supportive as well.

      Actually this whole thing has sprung into a half of a fight between us. I asked him was he doing anything independently to help with us trying to get pregnant because I didn’t want to assume for this writing he wasn’t? He said he felt the questioning was judgmental and explained why. I don’t feel it was but because I said he was “irritated” by some of the plan changes (which I still do. There isn’t enthusiasm a lot of times when I suggest something new).

      Even trying to write this blog and really get some of his ow perspective on this to make sure I am not just living in my own head and being grossly unfair has removed the “spark” in some ways I guess.

      It can be difficult to stay connected as a couple in these relationships where you are trying to conceive. It can be difficult to feel supported. And these challenges are just from trying to make a baby which to some people would be really fun but for many of us couples, especially when we have been on the journey a long time, the fun dissipates. The life wafts out.

      And then you don’t want to talk about it. Then it becomes that hot button issue you want to avoid or have to mentally prepare yourself for because of all of the feelings. So many feelings.

      Hopefully we can come together.

      | 0 Comments Tagged Difficulty, Marriage, New cycle, Relationships, Sperm Meets Egg, Trying To Conceive, Two Week Wait
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      • Cycle 16 Day 27: Injectable Medications Arrived With Another Big Fat Negative
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