Today is the 21st day in my cycle and I am about halfway through the dreaded Two Week Wait. Tomorrow is usually when I start to get anxious and worry about whether or not I am actually pregnant this time. I hope blogging helps me to avoid those feelings. I hope processing them helps to keep me from becoming a wreck this last week of my cycle. That is all I want.
I have been extremely tired lately and I have been sleeping an awful lot and not experiencing very much hunger. I’m not sure if it is a physical ailment or just general depression but I am plugging alone just the same. I rolled around in the bed til about 2pm today. I wished I could sleep longer but I simply couldn’t. I had been dreaming about 3 amazing little girls and a happy family that I was apart of. They were my daughters you see and I did not want to wake up. I wished to return to my dream with all 3 of them. I do want 3 children and would actually like to have at least one of each but a dream with any children is wonderful. It is better than the real life situation anyway.
I arose and had breakfast but I really didn’t have much of a taste for anything. I have been eating oatmeal with maple syrup and chocolate protein powder with toast. Afterwards I took off to get my blood drawn to check my Progesterone. I said in the previous post that I have long believed my inability to get pregnant is due to low progesterone so this test is a big deal for me. I actually hope I am wrong. My greatest hope is that I will fall pregnant this cycle so of course I want the test to come back high enough to indicate I ovulated. That would be so wonderful. I’m sort of nervous about what the results may be. I hope they are posted tomorrow so I can get some kind of closure.
I also worked out at my local boot camp today and I was quite winded afterward. I felt like I would just pass out so I stopped off and got tacos and went home and just relaxed. I have been watching Dynasty reruns again since I got home as there is nothing on TV to really distract me. And I plan to practice my Spanish and Italian tonight as well. I find that staying busy somehow does distract me in this time period of waiting.
I have to take a test per my RE at cycle day 26 to see if I am pregnant. This is my least favorite part of this journey. I had a chemical pregnancy last April so after that I really have tried not to do any testing and just let my period start. I find it is better not to get your hopes up and you can stare yourself into seeing anything on those tests when you want it so badly. I have believed I have seen a faint line on the starkest of white negative tests and logically I know it is negative but my heart continues to ask me to just keep looking. Keep looking for the baby I constantly hope is there. After that I usually hold up well and then I am a wreck on cycle day 1 when my period comes until I tell myself well I can try again soon.
Tryin again soon. I have been trying again for quite some time now. For today I want to focus on being hopeful, and believing I could become pregnant. People usually implant between days 7 and 12 post ovulation so I am hopeful I will become pregnant and this is the end of the line with all the medications and the time intercourse. It has been a bit of a strain.
I’m just ready to be a mother.